For those of you who don’t understand archaeology, I have made a diagram.
Ok, smart ass. Where is pelvis island? Or nipple island?
SHUT THE HELL UP AND STOP PUTTING ICE CUBES IN YOUR LEMONADE. YOU WANT FIX YOUR WATERY LEMONADE? ADMITTING THERE’S A PROBLEM IS THE FIRST STEP TO STOP BEING A PUSSY, AND MOVING ON TO BEING A MAJESTIC MOTHERFUCKER.
GET SOME FRUIT.
BLUEBERRIES, STRAWBERRIES, PEACHES, LEMONS, LIMES, FUCK I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE PAPAYA OR MANGO! GET YOUR ASS OUTSIDE AND PUNCH SOME BUSHES UNTIL IT CRIES FOR MERCY AND HANDS YOU YOUR GODDAMN FRUIT.
BERRIES YOU CAN JUST SHOVE INTO THE ICEBOX AND GO CONQUER A COUNTRY WHILE YOU WAIT A DAY FOR IT TO FREEZE.
PEACHES AND NECTARINES, FUCK, YOU CAN EAT THE DAMN SKIN ON THOSE! TAKE OUT THAT MACHETE YOU KEEP IN YOUR BACK POCKET, BECAUSE WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHEN A DINOSAUR COULD COME KNOCKING AND MOTHERFUCKERS NEED TO BE PREPARED, THEN HACK THAT DELICIOUS MOTHERFUCKER INTO SLICES.
NOW PUT THOSE BEAUTIFUL FUCKERS IN YOUR FREEZER.
YOU’RE A CITRUS KINDA ASSHOLE?
TAKE THE SKIN OFF YOUR CITRUS AND RECYCLE THAT SHIT! SAVE THE WHALES, YOU HARCORE MOTHERFUCKER.
I BET YOU CAN SEE WHERE THIS IS GOING, WITH THE FREEZER.
FUCK.
WHEN YOUR FRUIT IS FROZEN, USE THEM INSTEAD OF ICE CUBES TO KEEP YOUR DRINK AS COLD AS A SNOWMAN’S FROSTY DICK, AND MAKE ALL YOUR FRIENDS OR MAYBE ONLY YOUR PETS SAY ‘WOW WHAT A CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER’
IF YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC TYPE OF SHITHEAD, YOU CAN PUT YOUR FROZEN-ASS FRUIT INTO RUM OR VODKA OR SOME SHIT.
NOT ONLY ARE YOU GOING TO HAVE A COLD, FLAVORED DRINK, BUT YOU’LL GET YOUR DAILY SERVINGS OF FRUIT. YOU SNEAKY LITTLE HEALTH-CONSCIOUS ASSHOLE.
TASTES LIKE GODDAMN VICTORY, THAT’S WHAT.
So Mario and Wario I get.
So why is it Luigi and Waluigi? Would it be Bret and Wabret?
Drem Zeim Frod, my friends.
Gambling, sex, alcohol, drugs, Chinese food—you always give these things a second chance or a hundredth chance, but something healthy, like kayaking, if you don’t go for it the first time, you never try again.
Jonathan Ames (via joberholtzer)
That’s because kayaking isn’t delicious!
(via juliasegal)
The milkshake: This is not limited to fast food nor to milkshakes. That ‘concoction’ is the industry standard artificial strawberry flavoring found in everything strawberry flavored that isn’t naturally flavored.
Chicken nuggets: Total lies. My sister works at the Tyson plant that provides KFC and McDonalds their nuggets. There’s no ‘pink paste’ stage. ’Reflavoring’ is an injection of mostly salt into the meat in order to give it some taste because modern day chicken is nearly flavorless. If you want to disgust people, show them the conditions of the processing plants that dismantle the chickens.
The pubic hair one: You eat more of your family’s pubic hairs cooking in your own home. You think you don’t shed once you walk in your own door?
Peanut butter: This is a cold hard truth of food mass production. There will be insects. You can never get rid of them or take them out of the process. The FDA places limits on how much can be allowed into specific foods so that food manufactories don’t get lazy and just say ‘Well we can’t keep it out.’ The FDA limit helps immensely because it makes these places try to keep the insect population down through keeping things clean.
Shellac: Oh my god this is so stupid. ’Shellac’ is an INGREDIENT. It’s a NATURAL PRODUCT produced by INSECTS. It is then PROCESSED into food-grade glaze or colorants, OR into wood and furniture polish. They don’t just take wood polish and dump it on your jawbreakers. Grow up.
Bacteriophages: The ‘phages of which you speak are used to kill the listeria virus. Listeria is a bacteria that attacks the immune system and has a one in five mortality rate. Bacteriophages? They’ve been used as an alternative to antibiotic medications in Russia and France for 90 years. That’s really disgusting and dangerous!
Coke: This is total and complete bunk. It would have been far more effective to point out that colas and carbonated drinks have been linked to weakened bones in those who overconsume them, but this is complete lies here. Again.
Salads: I think you mean propylene glycol. And again, this is bullshit. PG only causes reactions in those allergic to it. It has a very low toxicity and can only negatively affect human health if very large amounts are ingested very quickly and over a very short period of time. By which I mean ‘Find a vat of it and start drinking it and nothing else.’ Again you go for the lie instead of pointing out that fast food salads are processed and contain as much fat and cholesterol as most of the other foods offered by a fast food place.
Beef additives: This has nothing to do with fast food. This is common in MOST meats in the US. This is because the US has become so obsessed with the fat content of meat and making it ‘healthy’ that we have literally bred almost all the flavor out of every food animal breed we currently use. Flavorants are almost ALWAYS injected during processing or most of our meat would be bland and tasteless. ‘Flavorants’ typically being concentrated broth and/or salt and seasoning.
Cheese: Lies again. Only those cheeses labelled as ‘Pasteurized process cheese food’ and ‘Pasteurized process cheese spread’ match these stats. Pasteurized process cheese is simply a blended cheese made to have a sharp taste and be easily melted. Your lie here is that the 47% is referring to the cheese’s fat content, not cheese content.
This image is full of lies and misrepresented half-truths and anyone spreading this as truthful should rethink their approach.
TL;DR: just because it’s in a pretty image, doesn’t mean it’s true.
Oh man, I saw the image scrolling down and was like ‘I sure hope there’s someone underneath this saying how bullshit this infographic is’ and there was
Bless you for this info.
Please don’t make me think about how much of my family’s pubes I eat.
